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Lost days, pictures fade.
Lost smiles
Saturday, 27 July 2013

Finally understood the pains of growing up; sometimes I wished I was still that little girl that everyone doted on without much stress or worries~
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These days were hectic, like really. Everything happened so quickly and somehow at the wrong time. Really hated it when certain news just come crashing down on me around the same time. Well my granduncle passed on last Thurs, and everyone was so busy with the wake that it took me so long to sort out my thoughts. I guess I really need a break to catch my breath before school starts. 

Tbh, this didn't hit me as hard as my grandma's one, but still he was someone who watched me grow up - I still remember when the cousins were still toddlers, I would follow my grandpa to the airport to eat char kuay tiao that he made. Subsequently when he got a stroke and had to go for physiotherapy sessions, we visited him often and went to his house for the elders to catch up. My cousins (both close and slightly distant) ones may not have appreciated him as much because he fell sick really long ago, but I really felt sad for him sometimes that he couldn't spend time playing with his grandchildren while he was alive. At least it was comforting that he's relieved of all his sufferings. 

So the week was mainly spent helping out and working; really felt the responsibility of being the older children amongst all my cousins there. It's like I feel that it is mandatory to help out and take care of the little ones at the same time. I think I'm really lacking sleep lately, having only 4 hours of sleep daily :( 

& I'm gna OT all the way till I leave cause it's GST month-end /sighpie. Can totally imagine how life's gna be like in the future when I work in even larger corporations. Probably I'm gna look forward to hall camp; it sort of brings back memory form the past year. (& I felt sooo bad skipping these camps because of work and family matters) Hopefully I would really think too much again, I mean memories can be both good and bad (if you knw what I meant) I do wish my STM method would work again and erase those unhappy ones.

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I hate myself for having selfish thoughts. :( I know it's wrong but I can't help it. It's good news, so why am I trying to condemn it so badly. Arghhhhh I thought by now I would have accepted that fact that not everyone stays with you forever. 

I need happy thoughts ahhhhhhhhh :( I hope I wouldn't remember the fact that people do things for their own benefits too. #life #dontlikealsomustaccept

Emptiness.
Monday, 8 July 2013

Just a random thought that always comes to my mind.. Family members can't be with you forever; your parents will leave someday, siblings will get married and lead their own lives. Friends too, may be too busy with work-life balance, and you can lose them easily when conflict arises. Idk, but the thought of having friends in the working society in the future seems nearly impossible with people telling me about office politics and whatnot. Who can I really trust? Trust is something that is hard to earn and easy to lose, and I really lack the confidence to trust someone; will I lose everyone in the end?

The feeling of emptiness often seeps into your life when you are too free - you start thinking about many things, and often I have those bad phenomenons that I really wish it will never ever happen. 

Probably at this juncture, such a feeling would come in when you don't get into the same modules with closer friends. But then again, your close friends also have their own cliques that they would want to be with, and so where does that leave you at? Or what about conflict between timing.. To choose to stick with friends and risk being punctual/present or be punctual but work with complete strangers? Hmmm...

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That was just something that had been bugging me quite often lately. Idk why but I seem to be making wrong moves now and then, and  I'm getting weird feelings sometimes which I can't explain why either. I guess I just need time to adapt to everything. 
STAR wars in 7 hours' time! Hopefully I can get my modules with tutorial mates, if not at the very least get a slot first! :( Wanted to go school but I think I really can't wake up now. 

Work's been pretty mundane, but somehow I'm glad that I'm working. Though I get really tired at work sometimes, it beats staying at home all day home and getting myself cooped up. Friends are mostly working so it'd be impossible to stay outside in the day hehhhhh. But on a side note, I'm not really anticipating the start of school, after seeing the recommended courses for us and what others had to say. 

Been having OL dinners almost every week hehehe :D And I finally met VHG to get prezzieeeeeees ;) Hopefully this wouldn't spoil the intended surprise for J! It was nice catching up, talking about interesting happenings at work and those crappy-yet-funny jokes! Gna meet Shubin really soon too, SHE'S BACK! :D 

Next week's gna be hectic! Meeting Hoby for dinz, OL dinner and karaoke session during the weekdays! Still trying to squeeze some time for camps; I think it's good to enjoy while you can! But I think I'm not spending my money very wisely. Camps alr took up quite a bit, and I'm still getting clothes for school! *getting poorer at the start of the month*

Shall update sometime...... soon? Hehehe just to end with HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MUMMY AND SHAUN :)))) 
This song is dedicated to them (it is officially our family anthem LOL)

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